The Daring Decision (LXVII)

Reviwed by Aanand Vasu.

I stepped forward, but the girl in me did forbid me from taking the next step. Every second I stood there, he felt more embarrassed. So I decided that, I would at least leave the room.

I was rolling on my bed thinking about the kiss, which would have been my life’s first kiss, and the darkened face of Shantanu.

The next morning Anu was ready with coffee for me and tea for Shantanu. I was reminded of my mother, but Shantanu felt it otherwise. He felt uneasy that, why she should do that to us. Shantanu couldn’t retort to Anu’s reply ‘Should I not serve tea to my brother?’

Shantanu impulsively turned down his head away at my sight. He avoided my eyes while speaking to me. He was very uncomfortable. He was so very disturbed about the previous night’s incident.

We reached college a little after 10AM. Project demos were already going on. Our classmates swarmed the department with laptops to get their projects demonstrated soon.

Our turn came. Shantanu was supposed to be one of the best ever presenters of our class. His charming presentations, which always fetched him an edge over the other good projects was absent that day. He sounded dull and absent minded.

I managed the situation, and we got our projects evaluated. We got good marks. Sir complimented the efforts taken to bring out such a neat piece of software, but he awarded more marks to me, and the least in our team to Shantanu, thinking that he was one of those sleeping team members, because of his poor response in the demo.

That evening in hostel, I had ruminations about the previous day’s incident. We had another solid week for our 6th semester exam. Divya just then entered our room.

“Hi Guys”

I was sitting in grave silence. I was lost in thought, and was staring at the wall.

“Hey Elvi. Elvviiiii” She came near me, and shook me by my shoulder. I was startled for a moment and said, “Oh hey hii”

“Hey what’s wrong yaar? What are you thinking of so deeply about? Microsoft!”, with a sarcastic smile. I was thoroughly annoyed. ‘Why would they bring in Mic for everything?’

Anu joined, “Ya even I have been noticing her, something is wrong with her. I wanted to ask but had forgotten due to this projects stuff”

I remained silent. Divya again, “Oh come on Elvi what’s wrong?”

“Nothing yaar, I m just fine..” before they could respond I myself felt like sharing it with them, so I opened up. I explained what happened the previous night. “I am feeling so bad. He is such a gentleman. He never ever made any amorous move before. I made him feel guilty.” I told them looking down at the floor in grief.

Anu, “Oh! that’s why both you guys were looking grave the whole day.”

“Come on sweetheart. That’s alright. It’s not a thing for which you have to worry about.”, Divya

“But is it wrong to kiss someone whom you are going to live with for the rest of your lives? Why did I give him such an impression, as if he had attempted to commit a crime?” I continued in my melancholic tone.

Sangi who was silent till then, “May be she feels bad for missing the kiss”

‘Sh*t! Damn the understanding of these room mates. How did she find out that, it was one of the reasons’ Anyway I managed, “Stop the nonsense. I feel bad only for making him feel bad.”

Sangi retorted, “Hey hold it. He must have badly wanted to kiss you. That’s why he is creating such a scene.”

Anu countered, “Hey he is not that sort of a guy. He is gem of a person. He must have really felt bad about it.”

“Good or bad everyone has feelings. He is no exception. He is no saint either. May be he might have wanted to, yet that’s not bad either.” Divya.

A few seconds of silence, everyone was looking at me to say something. I looked up at them and said, “If a kiss is all he wants, he deserves much more than that.”

Obviously they were all puzzled by my reply. I gave them a break for them to digest what I had just told them. I then continued, “I am taking him again to gramps’ guest house.”

“Are you nuts?”

“You must be kidding.”

“Hey you sound serious, aren’t you?”

Another momentary break, “Yes I am.”

“You mean…”

“Yes I mean the same.”

“Shantanu will never acquiesce for anything of that sort”, Anu.

“Whether or not he does, you can never do this.” Sangi. She looked at Divya for support.

Divya after a deep breath, “I know you. You would never get back from what you have decided upon. All I can say is, just be safe and careful, you have got dreams to conquer.”

I always used to wonder, how someone could be so matured, thoughtful and most importantly pragmatic. Divya had always earned my respect in every action of hers, and in every word she said.

Anu and Sangi wanted to tell something, but they stopped themselves. As always Divya’s statement concluded the discussion. We all keeping this thing aside watched the movie, ‘Get Smart’.

After the movie we went to bed. I expected Shantanu to call me, but it was not so late so I did the calling myself. I fulfilled the formality of saying, ‘I love you.’

I was thinking about the decision the whole night. I made up my mind, and there was no turning back. Neither the temptation nor the guilty feeling had it, but my adventurous nature did. That was the one which drove me into drinking vodka, and been responsible for various incidents like the action at the theatre.

As always even this time the curiosity and thrill of doing something that I was not supposed to do took over me. I called Shantanu before I could change my mind, “Hi honey still not asleep.”

He sounded back to normal. I was a bit relieved. I replied, “You wanted to kiss me right?”

“Yes, but I m really sorry. It was a mistake. I..”

I interrupted him, “I want to kiss you.”

‘Silence’

“Not just that, I want to make you feel I am all yours.”