The Real Me (LVII)

Reviewed by Ridhi.

I write things that Elvia couldn’t cover namely boys’ hostel and viewing classes in the perspective of a 7 pointer. Hostel was heaven that’s what most of us will tell you at least after 2 years of staying there.

The frightful mess food, old paint withering walls, disturbances from 5.1s and other sound systems, buggers like Prabhu of our class, yet hostel life was so enjoyable. You could see all varieties of people at hostel, right from the drunkards, the chain smokers, the other sort of chain smokers who smoked out books, psychos, introverts, blabber maniacs, rumor rangers a lot of them.

And of course people who rarely fell into any category like me, or that’s what Elvia used to say I was and call me Mr.Unique. Only after she pointed out, I realized that, people who detest vodka, who feel it hard to breathe, when there is a smell of nicotine, being so deep into elections are a rare phenomenon. Not just that, the other thing was I was not from an influential family or the friend of the son of a big shot, yet I am a key person in college elections.

I hung out with a lot of people, but most relations were perfectly professional acquaintances. It would be either people who were involved in college elections or those who were part of college symposium or NSS peers or juniors. It might be because, I don’t trust people so deeply nor I rarely get emotionally attached with anyone, or because I am a control freak.

Half the college considered me and Elvia as an ideal pair, though we are black and white. We are just opposites in almost everything, right from me being a guy and she being a girl. Ya, that’s a joke, though it is an undisputed truth.

For this reason Elvia, though being a girl of the kind who would get at least a proposal a week, rarely got one. Everyone considered we were in love with each other. Mind you if I say, none would try and mess up with my girl. It became a de facto standard, that, the top guys in college elections are tuff guys.

I first saw her in our counseling. She was sitting a few rows ahead of me, when waiting for our admission letters. I wondered whether she would be in my department or if she chose ECE.

For the next ten days after counseling most of us would have dreamed of college. Even I did, but with Elvia in it. I wondered what her name might be, what department she belonged to, would I ever get a chance to speak to her.

Hence forth my college started with dreams about this girl. I knew it was stupid, love at first sight is perfectly insensible, yet I was obsessed, all my brain stopped working. I went crazy.

When I discovered that she belonged to CSE department, I don’t think I can ever explain how it felt like. You would have read that, I quit from NCC, as I wanted to spend time with Elvia by joining her NSS unit.

Many a once I saw Krishna and other smart or studious guys speak with Elvia for an entire break session, for almost 20minutes. Till date I wonder how they managed to speak so long. May be they spoke about C programming and how advanced java was when compared to C. Unfortunately I was not geeky enough in all that to strike a conversation with Elvia confidently.

I have heard friends say ‘why the hell lovely girls are often studious’, how unfortunate! Elvia turned out to be one such girl. I tried to be a 9 pointer but I never was able to be even an 8 pointer. I never love doing something I am not interested in.

At school my teachers had created an illusion that, college will be a dream world, like Utopia. They said that, I would have a nice time at college, more than all that I believed things would be more practical than theoretical. All in vain, none of them were true. I felt like doing a +2 every 5months.

I somehow managed +2 after a year of hard core schooling with, spending time at special classes and tuitions, and reaching home after 9PM. I couldn’t do that anymore. I wished, I do things that I felt were useful and the ones that made sense to me. I was bored of running behind marks or grades.

I got in touch with Elvia, thanks to NSS. Soon I learned that Elvia had more than just lovely looks. She was not just an angel by looks, but by heart and her very soul was divine. She was always honest, and she was straight forward, above all that, she did what she felt was right without pretending to be someone for the sake of others.

Days went by. I grew madder about her. I wanted to prove her, that, though I was not worthy enough to be a 9pointer I do have other skills. I got in all sort of extra-curricular or organizational activities in college and certainly I did well in all that, but I was not sure whether they impressed a good opinion in Elvia.

I wanted to open my heart and show her that she is embedded in every drop of my blood and every cell of my muscles, but I never was able to. She considered me a very good friend. In fact the best of friends, equal to Anu and Divya. I never could afford to mess it up.

I wanted to stay with her as long as I could. I didn’t want to distance her by opening up my love to her. Further, I feared, she would never love a 7 pointer and a political person. I tried my best to hide and suppress the overflowing emotions by letting her know how I felt about her.

At times it felt like I would live forever with this untold love staying by her side as a good friend. In fact that definitely was a better option, than she hating me forever for mistaking her friendship as love.

When it came to Anu, I stood by her word ‘brother’. I cared for her like I do for my own sister. On that day, I wanted to break Kiran into pieces, but how would people ever call me a good leader, if I let my personal emotions blast off all the hard earned results they had achieved.

Elections were not just my cause. It was not just my victory, but it was our victory. People had worked hard for months considering the difference between election triumph and defeat as the different between life and death. The victory was as much theirs as much it was mine.

Elvia didn’t understand all that, anger blinded her. I could see she was so very annoyed and angry at my passivity from her big blue eyes, which always had a loving look then stared at me with fury. The last look she gave me after that incident almost killed me, but I was standing there helpless. My boiling blood drained out completely at her misunderstanding. I was looking for an opportunity to prove she was wrong, most importantly to avenge for my beloved sister Anu.