Terrified by the Truth (LXVIII)

Reviewed by Lakshminarasimhan and Aanand Vasu.

After much persuasion Shantanu gave in. Just like Divya he gave up with the statement, “You are adamant.”

He was thoroughly annoyed, but as always he could never say no to my red eyes, though I had no option of getting annoyed of his ‘no’.

He tried all possible arguments,

“Ok I do agree that we are going to be married, so why do we have to hurry?”

“This is not hurrying.”

“Well think in these lines. Let’s say though we love each other dearly, what if we end up marrying someone else?”

“Never ever think of it. If suppose I see you marry someone else, I will kill myself after killing you.”

“Hmmmpf, Ok fine, Life is not guaranteed the next moment, what if something fatal happens to me? I would never want you to live lonely and single for the rest of your life.”

“Stop this stupid argument. Get lost.” And I walked back, and now he had no other go.

He called me after an hour, “Hey”

“hmmm”

“So you are still mad at me.”

Silence.

After a deep breath, “Well then it’s your call. If you want to do it, well let’s do it.”

“That’s like a good boy.”

“Just a thing”

“Yes”

“You are a well grown kid.”

“Haha yes I am.”

We decided on the next day, Friday. Our semester exams was about to begin the next Thursday. So we would have five more days after Friday before the 1st exam.

I couldn’t sleep that night. I was rolling on my bed throughout the night. I had thoughts about Shantanu yelling at me, ‘You bitch, get away from me.’ Or even worse.

I was wondering about myself. What if any of the arguments placed by Shantanu ever comes true? Isn’t virginity a virtue?

I was almost convinced that, I was about to do something very wrong, yet I had never practiced to give upon what I had decided. I tried to forget all the negative things about the decision, and concentrate on sticking to the plan.

The next day I arrived at gramps guest house just after lunch. I had asked Shantanu to drop in by evening. I just wanted to ensure the elegance of the environment for the matter in hand.

I turned all the Air Conditioners. I set the temperature to 18 degree Celsius to fight the summer heat. In a few minutes, I was literally shivering with just the bath coat over me.

The pleasant Friday evening, alone at home, I was waiting for him with a myriad of thoughts - Does he really love me? Will we end up marrying each other? What will he think about me?

The ring of the door bell shattered the ceaseless thought mesh.

I could feel the surge in me. With my pulse rate shooting all time highs, I opened the door, thinking that that was not going to be the day’s high, because I knew there was more to come.

Just after he entered the home, I locked the door behind to signal that we were on something private, that the world doesn’t bother us. He came close to me, put his arms around my waist and pulled me to him. His eyes met mine and there was hardly an inch separating our lips. There was more of love than lust in his eyes. He said, “I love u”, all I replied was, “forever sweetheart”.

I couldn’t wait anymore, and I filled the gap between the lips, closing my eyes - the first kiss of an adolescent; hallucination of love. It felt like an eternity, but I let the eternal feel continue. Feeling his pressure, I realized that there was more to eternity than just the first kiss.
An hour later, I was lying next to him cuddled under the sheets. The Air conditioner’s temperature didn’t affect me anymore. The warmth of Shantanu’s skin had more than compensated for it.

Suddenly like a flash of lightening, it was all over, and I came back to my senses, ‘What have I done? I speak of being a South Indian girl from a respectable family, but now.’

‘I am not gramp’s angel anymore. I am not my dad’s dream anymore. I am a disgrace to the society, whose culture is kept above every civilization on earth.’

All these thoughts brought tears to my eyes. I started sobbing and it turned to weeping. Shantanu tried to console me, but beyond a point even he was clueless. He looked more miserable than I was.

'I was always proud of my genetic inheritance from my parents, but why did I ever inherit their daring and adventurous nature? Doesn’t an adventure have its own limits?'

The most horrifying of all this, ‘Has anyone seen me and Shantanu entering the apartment? What if someone knew?’

Just then the door bell rang.