Depressed to Determined (LXXIII)

Reviewed by Nathan.

Bad news spreads faster than any flu. Almost everyone who knew Shantanu and Elvia came to know about the break up. I didn’t know whether people felt happy or sad about this, yet many were curious to know what was happening, so they enquired about this to me and others, who were closer to her.

That night over dinner people spoke all kind of nonsense, and a few even in our earshot. “If she considered herself the princess then it’s the right time she changed.” “Well that scum deserves it” “I think Shantanu has took a right decision to..” and loads more. I didn’t know how people could talk ill about a person, who is conking out of grief and pain. I realized how bad envying could drive people.

Elvia who was in general strong by heart borne all the pain, and Shantanu’s acquaintance had made her more matured that, she could be able to take or ignore things her way. Nevertheless these things did affect her. But when compared to Shantanu’s words mostly they were like stabbing a corpse with a knife.

The hostel was almost deserted, and we were all alone in our room. Elvia switched her PC on. She played ‘Evanescence’ the collection which I had always admired. I understood she didn’t want to be disturbed. Divya came in. I waved her not to disturb.

“Being silent will not bring any solution. We gotta do something??”

I asked, “What do u expect us to do?”

“We can talk to Shantanu.. hmm… no she should speak with him”.

Elvia slowly turned to us. “It’s not about a reunion, and this is no ordinary lovers’ duel. He trusted me more than anyone. But I wasn’t true to him. I shouldn’t have hidden things from him, and there is no pardoning for this. All I need to do now is to prove him that, I still value our old friendship.”

“And how are you planning to do it?”

“He wanted me to get placed in Mic.”

Anu,” Do u think he will come back to you because of Mic??”

“I don’t expect him to. I never expect him to.”

We were not sure whether to encourage her to get placed in Mic or to console her for Shantanu. Finally we gave in that, there was no use in persuading her anymore, who else would know better of her adamancy.

Natalia Barbu's 'Fight’ from 'Moldova' had been playing for the nth time, she looked more determined for as the song went on. After sometime she let the player shift to ‘Memories’ from 'Within Temptation' this broke her a bit, and I heard her mumbling the lines,
"All of my memories keep you near.
In silent moments,
Imagine you being here.
All of my memories keep you near,
In silent whispers, silent tears"

But her eyes were dry without moisture. It’s because her tear glands had over worked and left her with no moisture. But she had not come out of the grief.

In another two days NSS camp was about to start. But she didn’t want to attend as she felt very uncomfortable to face Shantanu. In spite of me being the Lady General Secretary of our NSS unit, I was in no idea of leaving Elvia behind in those circumstances. So I called uncle, telling him that we had planned to come home.

We planned to go in train rather than waiting for the car to pick us up. Uncle said he would pick up us from the railway station. I was more worried, ‘What if Elvi’s parents ever found out something is wrong with her? Will they question me about that?
What should I tell them if they ask me?’ I felt horrific to go home with her, but I didn’t want to leave Elvia alone.

Fortunately Elvi got over her grave expression by the time we reached home. Nevertheless she continued to listen to Evanescence and LP. I had no idea whether they made her strong or weakened her more, and I never commented on it.

We didn’t talk about Shantanu or Vodka or compiler Exam. She once in a while chose to lie on my lap. I felt happy, that I had a chance to reciprocate her pampering. Her parents were always friendly and loving to her. But she couldn’t share this with her parents, not because she was afraid, but because she didn’t want to worry her parents with this.

After a week she was fine, or at least apparently. This gave me courage to ask, “How did you do your Compilers exam?”

“Hmm not so good.. Think I will pass with a C or D. I was worried of getting an arrear, good that I will at least pass”

“His words before exam must have given some strength”

‘Sh*t’ I bit my tongue for bringing Shantanu into the scene.

“Hmmm... well now it’s high time we prepared for placements.”

This was the happiest statement she made in the past week. I was thoroughly rejoiced that, she had got something to keep her occupied. I decided to fuel her fire. I started addressing her as Microsoft.
I also dreamed about Elvia getting placed in Microsoft. We started working on the dream. After all it’s now more than just a dream placement.


Thoorika said...

Right in one way! Friends do help us to lighten our troubles, if not able to help us to forget it !! You are a great support for her Anu!!!

Nathan said...


Cheer up. Life has to go on.

"If you Love someone release them in air like a butterfly. If they really love you and if they belong to you, they will come back to you like a butterfly"

An ideology from one of my dear one, which I used to convince myself on any breakups.


I don't know how come but your flow of language is the same as that of Elvia's.

I now envy Elvia to have you by her side.

Elvia said...


Yes she was and is :)


Looks like u seen enough in life :p

Well it's because we had been doing this together from the beginning :)

Anu said...

Actually when compared to the support elvia has given me, its not at all a big deal..

hmm.. must agree with elvia. :)

Srivatsan said...

Linkin Park...saviors when one is depressed!
If you hear "numb" or "crawling" and sing along with it,you will just cry at the end,I have experienced it a lot.their songs are good for depressed ones like me.

this post has come good..I think we can compare anu-elvia to sam gamgee-frodo baggins.:)

Elvia said...


Yup LP is simply amazing.

(LORs)U too Sriv :)

|  Confessions of A College Gal. Blogger Template By Lawnydesignz Powered by Blogger